How to avoid reality online – a personal reflection

Lucas Strehle studied Creative Writing and Culture Journalism. For the past 20 years, he has been active on various online platforms – and is still trying to manage his screen time.

 In the meantime, he blogs for one sec and is also working for Customer Support, Community Management and Quality Assurance.

I loved social media from the moment I was introduced to it. My escapism started bleeding into reality right away, up to now, 17 years later. This is why I want to share a few personal stories about how my life was online– and how it got better and worse because of social media – to see if anyone of you can relate or in other words: if you can share some similar experiences.

Always being online is not always a joke. 

As a teenager, Friends in school used to joke that I was always online on Facebook. I never reacted because, to me, it wasn’t a joke—I was always online. I messaged friends, loved ones, and even complete strangers. I indulged in toxic comment sections, feeling great because I could make myself heard. While in real life, I was mostly quiet and avoided confrontation. My family life was difficult, so it felt easier to get lost in endless content, amongst others who did the same thing– in a community I could choose myself.

I think I started connecting with strangers chilling on a Lego Star Wars-themed blog, building MoCs (My Own Creations), and sharing my work with other fans while envying older users who spent hundreds on sets and bricks I couldn’t afford. I wrote Lego Star Wars fan fiction, made friends with people using brick-themed usernames, and argued over silly things— and getting called out when I made disrespectful jokes. 

I know this is for most people not the most relatable internet community. Still I think, there was a atmosphere in this blog that made it a valuable experience for myself: It was nice that people cared – in an interest-connected community that regulated itself, a place to talk about things I couldn’t discuss with school friends or family without feeling embarrassed.

Gradually, I started seeing my real-life friends less and less. Why should I? Puberty was a mess, not only for me, and some people at school made that clear by misusing my trust. If people online made me feel bad, I could just leave. Living in a rural area with bigger distances, it was also easier to just chat online with my friends instead of seeing them. I could just stay in contact per messenger. Being online felt kinda superior to reality. And I suspect, I wasn’t and am not alone with this kind of feeling.

Offline falling

I started noticing how being online, changed how I felt offline. On Facebook, I started connecting with journalists, writers, and people who shared my interest in philosophy, jokes, micro-literature, depressing memes, politics and other weirdly specific things which there are much online. This platform became a space for me to experiment with my writing and for trying to find out what I wanted to do. I escaped into this kind of connection, dying of boredom while eagerly waiting in school to get home – to check my messages, look at profiles and wait for the sweet sound of notifications.

Being a lot emotional invested online, I naturally developed a crush on a random YouTube user I met regularly in the comment section of mirrored Case Closed videos. I don’t know anything about them except that they loved ice skating and Case Closed. Staying up giggling and commenting about Kogoro Mori’s best moments was how I wanted to spend my time. Falling in love while staring at a pixeled avatar picture is wonderful. Spending hours online in a dark room, sleep-deprived, anticipating the sound of parents eventually checking on you –

Looking back, I was stuck in a loop: consuming content, avoiding real-life problems, while taking in that online validation and building genuine connection with other people online. But with time, as my family matters just as my mental health later worsened this loop became a downward spiral.
After graduating school I moved out for university. I gradually disconnected from my family and friends – and from being a fun escape from dull duties like homework, social media started to be the only place where I could feel ok, failing in studies I wasn’t interested in.

But that effect did not work endlessly, especially not after years of using it. Still dampened social media my thoughts and reminders of a depressing reality. Dull-mindedly I scrolled and watched and scrolled without any excitement, losing easily contact with people I only knew online and stopping producing my own content. 

I remember when my mother busted me one night, as I was watching Case Closed and playing some Browser Games. I could not say bye to all my online friends – and I remember that I felt so isolated and alone.

Later in life, I had more devices than I needed. My Macbook played Anime, my left refreshed on another tab Facebook, while my right fed Insta on my phone. My sleeping pattern was messed up – when I was awake, I was hopeful and anxious about every notification, which could maybe change my life into a better direction. For some reason, this notification never came. Someone getting in touch, someone online, some content making me feel better about myself. And how depressing that felt.

I tried to change my patterns: I got rid of Facebook to get lost on Youtube or Instagram. Messengers were filled with unanswered messages. My screen time still just went up and up. Social media stopped being a damping cushion on reality where I could lay my head to rest. No place to regulate my emotions by interacting online without having to face my real-life problems for which I had no solutions for.

There was no joy anymore – and no matter how long I searched, I couldn’t find it. What changed, wasn’t just the amount of time spent online—it was how I spent that time.I don’t think social media per se was at fault. I could thank social media for cushioning the fall – Reels made it easier to forget. But it may have also made me trip in the first place.

How social media saved me

Ironically, it was an Instagram Story that changed my social media behavior in the long end. It was a Story of a friend I hadn’t contacted in years: Frederik and I met in 2013 in our hometown near Stuttgart. We shortly after parted ways for university into different cities. After over half a decade of silently acknowledging the existence of each other, Frederik posted that he was looking for someone to help him with customer communication. Those mails were taking up all the time he wanted to spend coding. I sent him a quick DM, and soon, I was handling customer support.

Getting in touch with real life

Working for one sec by connecting with people facing similar struggles, helped me see my behaviour and habits in a new light. And at this point I really want to shoutout to all you nice people getting in touch with the customer support the last years – ironically, you helped me a lot! I am so thankful to have been able to connect to you! Getting in touch and hearing your stories with you made me realize: How often I turned to social media for comfort, distraction, or validation, rather than for intentional connection.

A first opening

After using one sec for the first weeks myself, I was shocked about my initial opening attempts. (Please don’t ask me about it). I felt addicted, without knowing what this term actually means – and called out by an app, everytime my thumb routineously opened an app for short gratification.

At first, I just felt shame. Everytime, when I felt the urge to continue mindlessly scroll, the app created this pause—with time I was able to just ask myself, “Do I really need this right now?” Often, the answer was no. Features like this helped me reframe my relationship with my phone.

And I noticed: I had more time than before. The focus filters and scheduling forced me to compartmentalize as well as the Re-Intervention. My struggles with concentrating (thanks to blocking sessions) and organizing myself (Healthy Alternatives + Reminders/Calendar <3) got bit by bit better, as I was trying to set up one sec fitting for me. When I was sleepless, a blocking schedule made it impossible for me to access apps which would definitely not help me sleep. Step by step, I also got more decisive: the more often I made intentional choices the easier it got to intentionally do stuff.

To be honest: I tricked myself so often – and disabled one sec or used inefficient settings several times, so I could find my ways around those annoying interventions, blocks and notifications. I would say, on a daily basis. But granulary, I got and still get better at failing against myself, while one sec also evolves with more and more features.

While integrating one sec in my life, I also got in therapy. I was diagnosed with some stuff that surprised me and some things I wasn’t so much. So I started working on organizing myself, learning a lot about myself and tools to steer myself in a healthy direction. And with better mental health and some boundaries I was freshly building with myself there was change.

In the End

one sec helped me make some impactful changes in my daily life. Those small interventions helped me to make good or healthy smaller decisions. I started to feel proud of myself every time I stopped myself from scrolling. Slowly, I started to notice the difference in how I felt offline—more present, less weighed down by comparison.

I got able to steer myself and one sec helped me with it. Still, I do doomscroll. I do make stupid purchases online. I enjoy numbing myself in a flood of reels. There are those alarming screentime notifications every week.

And, there’s no shame in that. Well, maybe a bit. But I really think I do better since using one sec. Most importantly, I’m able to ask myself why I want to open an app and whether there’s a better option for my time.

Sometimes there isn’t a better option, sometimes it’s alright to indulge. Because your use social media is meaningful: You wouldn’t be online, you wouldn’t scroll, if it wasn’t for a reason –

I’m scrolling less to forget, spending my time mindlessly swiping. I love social media but taking some deep breaths before made me realize: you’re more likely to find what you need if you know what you’re looking for.